Owed Nothing

I felt naked...

It was done.

The text message was sent- airing my disconnect with the world and my own fragile insecurities.

Vulnerability to the core.

Less than 30 words.

Meant for the eyes of one.

But accidentally sent in a chat with 15....

I was done!

I felt naked.

I dropped the ball. And in that moment I wanted to run and hide.

At one time in my life I was identified as a RUNNER...

Running from the consequence of having to face people after I'd done something wrong.

And to avoid that?

Only a small circle of friends.

And now, here it is again.

I want to make it right.

I want to move forward.

I want to go before the 15 and voice my pain at having said hurtful things.

And of course I face the reality that there may be people in that group that may not want to move on, may not want to forgive...

And you know what? I'm not OWED that.

I'm owed NOTHING.

And that is the hardest part of this whole situation.

They are not obligated to do anything- I am the offender.

I inflicted the hurt.

BUT, my solace, my comfort, and my strength in this whole situation is my faith.

Faith in a loving, caring, and forgiving Father.

1 John 1:9 says:

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

My sin is the hurt I caused and the insensitivity of my words.

I was not loving my neighbor - as God commands.

And I've confessed that to Him. I asked for His forgiveness.

That is where my peace MUST come from today and everyday I fall short.

'Cause you know what?

I will sin- again... and again...and again...

I'm imperfect, but made whole only because of who HE is.

And that is the fountain I must draw from today.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20John%201%3A9&version=NIV